Stupid E-mails I Get.

It's amazing how much I hate E-mail anymore. I believe that this page is one of the biggest reasons, next to spam, why I hate it. I mean if you got constantly bombarded by people asking the same thing over and over, it really tests your sanity. Especially when there is a FAQ addressing most of the questions. anyway these are a collection of some of the stupidest E-mails I have ever received. I used to have this on my Personal site, but since it's been down for ages I decided to throw it in here and see the hell it would cause first hand. keep in mind that this hasn't been updated in ages, and changing my email links to go to my FAQ and eventually removing my E-mail from the site definitely reduced the stupidity in my inbox.

Anyhow here's where the page started. Enjoy.

These are a collection of Stupid E-mails That I get in my E-mail Every once in awhile. They either didn't read the Fryed Software Faq and blindly E-mailed me or they started a trend to add a section to the Faq. This isn't a complete collection simply because I delete my deleted items folder once a month, but I can assure you that I got much more stupid Emails than this. If you are here and I didn't tell you about this page, or are one of the lucky ones that get added to this page, don't be offended. I just do this to keep my sanity, that's all. The Reply's (in Red) posted are not the actual replies, they are sarcasmized for maximum enjoyment. The Names, emails, page names and the like have been taken out and replaced by <this> to protect the privacy of the sender

Date: 4/3/98
Subject: Hello

Hello I could not get the KCHS Punisher to work on my TI-86 OR my
TI-85,all it does is freeze.It doesn't even clear the screen.I really
want to play it!!!It looks really good,but as I said I can't get it to
work.I am also thinking of porting it to the ti-83.I own a TI-83 and am
porting it so that I can finally play it!!!Please reply ASAP

How about waiting for 2 minutes? I never thought I would get a guy that didn't know that the calc took awhile to tokenize and run a basic game but I guess I was wrong there.

Date 4/5/98
Subject: NBA JAM for TI-83

NBA Jam for TI-83 doesn't work well

I copied it to my TI-83, and ran setup,then I ran NBAJAM

I could choose my name or keep the default ones.  then is said Prepare =
to Jam.

but when It went to the court, it said Err. Domain,

I know that the F number is the row number in the game, but it is 11, =
which is not on the calculator, because it only goes up to 8.  What's =
wrong with it?

What is the O that follows the X?

You typed it in didn't you? If this isn't a #1 reason for not having text files available, I don't know what is. The problem is that people type it in wrong and then they ask you to figure it out because they *Know* that they typed it in correctly. (I still check to see if they find something in the code that is a problem, but it's usually a typing error) As for the O question. Isn't it obvious what it is? (Hmm. The O always follow me. If I try to shoot when the O is real close. it says Rejected. If I stand Still, the O Comes up to me and It says Stolen. I wonder what the O is...)

Date 4/6/98
Subject: submit a site


Can you add this site to your list of TI sites ?

<Insert URL Here>

It's a new french page about all TI92 and TI92 Plus.
There are some articles about the TI92 Plus, and a complete
documentation on 68000 in html and in french. We're 3 webmasters and
we'll try to be The site for TI92 in France !

Thank you.


Sent him an E-mail that would later become the Link Section of the Faq. I don't really have much of a problem with this, except for the way he sent it. Apparently there is A TI-Calc Spam list out there. I'm not saying who was on it because I don't want people copying it, but I counted over 90 E-mail addresses on it, All of them Big Names in the Ti-world. (it almost makes you proud to get spammed if you're on it).

Date:  4/8/98
Subject: progamming codes

Hello ,I am french and I want some text files because I havent got a cable and
I don t find one please
all the small games in basic or asm


Sent him the Text File section of the Faq. I'm not jumping on this guy much simply because he might not be able to read English well, but if you don't get a clue from all the "Don't ask me for text files" Sentences (the old site had a ton of these everywhere), there's something wrong.

Date: 4/8/98
Subject: viewing ti-92 files?

I just bought a ti-92 this past weekend, but not the graphlink cable.
I was wondering if there is a way to view the code for games/programs
that end with a file extension of .92g
I downloaded the graphlink software, but it gives me this error message.
can you tell me a way to bypass this problem, or if I'm just outa luck.

Sent him the Graphlink section of the Faq. I get at least one of these a month. (Does not even compare to the text file ones I used to get) If you took about 5 minutes and read the Faq or even the Help file included in the software, you would know how to do this.

Date: 4/11/98
Subject: Not a question, a game

Hooker v1.0
This is my first TI Basic program, and frankly, it's better than a lot of
the other programs out there.  If you think it's good enough, could you
post it on your page? Thanks.

<insert name here>

P.S. Punisher - cool game.  It's fun to kill my teachers.

Sent him what would become the File Submission section of the Faq. If you haven't noticed yet, there is not one game on my page that I did not have any code time on. It also says that he edited the KCHS Punisher, which I don't have a problem with as long as he takes heed on the disclaimer in the readme file about the blame shift.

Date: 4/12/98
Subject: Ti-83 TANK

To whom it may concern:
    I'm trying to get Ti-83 sites to distribute one of the
program's I've written. If you'll take it, TANK is a simple
2-player bird's eye view tank combat game. That is, 2
players on one calculator. It works pretty well, and I've
gotten out all the bugs I've found. It's about 1700 bites.
However, I don't have a computer linking cable. If you're
interested, I can type it out and send it to you.


Sent him the File Submission section of the Faq. Not much more to say about this one.

Date: 5/10/98
Subject: Remove me

ok, I tried to join the TI-Basic Webring but I didnt have much luck.  I want
to be removed completely.  I think I already am, but I cant get the stuff off
my website.  it never even worked and now I cant get it off my site.  I even
deleted the html off my site but it wont leave.  I published my site without
the html, and it is still there, even after I reloaded the site.  PLEASE GET


Uhh... First ,see that nice pretty thing on the desktop that looks like a trash can, Get the AOL folder, put it in the trash can, and right click and select 'Empty recycle bin'.  People always ask me why I (used to) have that nice spiffy AOL Sucks Button on my webpage. my answer is simple. Because It Sucks! This is a perfect example of this. As you might already know, I Co-Administer the Ti-basic Webring. I got this e-mail because the AOL Browser (Sucks) Decided not to update the cache when this guy changed his page. So five E-mails later. (AOL Encourages every user to chat their head off simply so they can get more money from them through the chat fee) he actually tries deleting the cache. This also proves how stupid some people on AOL are. The Webring Clearly states that you are not in the ring until you are indexed my a ringmaster. Because this guy was just added to the queue and not indexed, his code did not work so he deleted himself from the webring. Thank you for not using AOL.

Date: 5/14/98
Subject: programs

Here are a few programs that I have written, modified, or found useful.
Please tell me what you think.


Sent him the File submission section of the Faq. I think people think I'm some sort of file archive or something. That's what and the Ti-Philes are (BTW, If you think that the Ti-philes doesn't mirror, think again. Everytime I send something to, the Ti-philes mysteriously gets it even thought I don't send it to them. does the same thing but not as much. I don't care because it saves me time, it's just an observation.)

Date: 5/16/98
Subject: You might want to read this....FF7 clouds quest is a good TI-BASIC game...But...

Hello there. FIRST: Don't get hostile about the subject content. We've played
FF7CQ and we think it's an excellent basic game. But we want to inform you
that quite awhile before FF7CQ was released, we were working on something that
could prove to be alittle friendly competition. (NOTE WE USED THE WORD
"FRIENDLY!") Sometimes, great things can happen with alittle competition. We,
<Insert company Name Here>., have constructed an epic TI-92 RPG that has finally
gave FF7CQ and Fryed Software somthing to keep an eye on. If you're the
slightest bit curious as to what we speak of, visit:
<insert URL here>. E-mail us at
* if you have ANY questions or comments. Or, sign our guestbook.

Sent him nothing. Not worth it yet. First of all, let me just say that these guys didn't even have a page up let alone a game in development when FF7  was being created. the FF7 project started for me on August 97. I didn't get involved until I met with Damon and he was showing me parts of it. I decided to help him out with it. I had toWatch him play the actual game to get a feel of it and Built the Walking and Fighting Engines that the program uses (Yes that's correct. I have Never played FF7 on a console or PC). I also helped with the scanned images but not much. So unless there game is ten months in the making (it's not, I've heard ranges from three to seven months) it's not older than FF7 (BTW, FF7 was released in December, about two weeks later they announced the game's development . When we updated FF7 to Version 1.2 this month to repair some new found errors, they released a Demo version of their game. I wonder why...) You ask why I'm not worried, play it. it should crash if you press Esc and some other suprises should occur. I do have to say however that the fighting animation is very good in their game.

Date:  6/26/98
Subject: Link Submit

Title     - <Insert Title Here>
URL    -<Insert Url Here>
Author - <insert Name Here>
Email   - *
All Calcs and Utilities
3rd largest archives on web

Sent him the Link Section of the Faq. I think some people think I'm some sort of Link page too. The only links you'll ever find on my page is the major page links that I feel are important to the Ti-Gamer. All the other pages are irrelevant because they either have a link on the Major Ti-pages, or they have nothing more than the major Ti- pages have. That and it's a pain to update a ton of links all of the time.

Date: 6/28/98
Subject: Ti-Programming

I know you feel it's a waste of time, but I would love to attempt to make
conversions of FFVII for other Ti-X's.  My current projects include a Stargate
Action/RPG (doom style), a Sliders Action/RPG (again doom style), and an
upgrade to X-wing-85.  All of which are nearing completion.  In the past I
have done many upgrades and/or conversions of other games.

Those of us who don't have a Ti-92 would greatly appreciate the chance to play
this game even in an inferior state.

Also if your company has any openings I would love to join.  I have been
programming in Ti-basic for almost eight years now.  I currently own a Ti-85.
All I need to begin programming for the 86 and 92 is a dictionary style list
of the commands and the formats for them.

Thank you for your time

<Insert Name Here>

Sent Him an Edited Version of the FF7 Port Section of the Faq. You're probably wondering why a sent a modified copy. I did because I want him to try it. I know the Limitations of the Ti-8x Series of Calculators, The graphics would  have to look similar to FFx3 (something I refuse to do, simply because I don't feel like hearing tons of lamers say that I copied the look off of Alex Highsmith) and the Ti-92 code uses a ton of Indirection, something that the Ti-8x series just doesn't have in any form. If he can do this, then Hats off to him, I just don't see the same caliber and quality of the game on any other calculator right now except for the Ti-92 and the upcoming Ti-89.

Date: 7/13/98
Subject: Final Fantasy 7TI92
Note: Received in Nomad Software's E-mail first. Was Forwarded to me.

Hey! Great game! But I have a problem. Every time I start the game, and I
attack with Cloud, I get a message saying "Undefined Variable". Can you help
me? Please respond. Thanx a lot!

How about helping me first? E-mail's like this drive me completely insane. The reason they do is because they tell you your program has an error, but doesn't tell you anything else. This is when I call on my Psychic Friend to tell me what the guy was doing, looking at and if he used a graphlink or not. The best part is, when I mail him,  I get this message...

RCPT To:<*>
550 <*>... User unknown

Something that not only wants to make you reach out and choke the guy, but drives you further into insanity while you figure out if there is something wrong with the code or not. It also gives me another reason to make the AOL Sucks button on my page about 10 times larger than it currently is.

Date: 9/13/98
Subject: Hi

Hello, this might seem kinda lame, but I just got my first ti calc (ti-83),
and I just wanted to know how to make a space, like the button or something.


Well, your Calculator came with a book Right? I, of course, was polite and told him what he wanted to know, but I mean, this could have been easily answered by reading the string section of the Ti Manual. Its what I always used to say when I was in high school, Read the first Chapter of the book, then read the chapter that pertains to what you want to know.

Date: 9/16/98
Subject: Group Files?

I was wondering if you could put your files into a group format, or if
you care if I put them into a group format myself for my website so that
people can just download the group file, instead of 10 other files?
<insert Name Here>
<insert URL Here>
More TI-89 Files than! (usually...)

Aren't they Already in a group format? I.E. *.ZIP? Ok. Ill give this guy some leeway, simply because he made a valid point about the Stickman collection and the Way I have the Insert files loaded into the zip file, But the Keyword is a Zip file. First off, the zip file at most is 10k, which basically means that it takes about 20 seconds for a 2400 baud modem to download the file, and there's a reason for all of the files in the zip file, they are there to help the user figure out how to play it as well as giving them a quick gateway for upgrading the file. (I did group the Insert files for him, which is valid. Actually, I don't know Why I did it that way now that I think about it)

Date: 9/23/98
Subject:  port FF7

do u have plans to port ff7 to any other calc like the 83

Sent him the FF7 port Section of the Faq.  But that's not all, (never really is with AOL Users) He writes back with: (in IRC format to emphasize volume)

<HIM>  can u condense it at all
<ME> the code alone is over the size limit of the 83. and the program uses a ton of Indirection, which cant be done on anything other than the 92 and the 89.
<HIM> do u have icq and also u could get rid of a town or something like that
<ME> simply put. I'm not Porting FF7 to Anything Else. If you want to, Be My guest
<HIM> u making any other 83 games
<ME> at this time, there is no games planned for the 83, if there is, it will be on my site
<HIM> want to work on sonic with me

At the time of this writing, He Hasn't E-mailed me back. I mean, I would love to port FF7 to something other than the Ti-92/89, but

A) It Wont Fit
B)Ti-92 Code is Different Than Ti-8x code
C) Ti-92 has a completely different structure than ti-8x.

If someone wants to make a ASM Port of this game to the Ti-8x series, Go right Ahead, because there isn't any way that FF7 is going on the ti-82/83/85/86 without being converted to ASM .

Date: 9/27/98
Subject:  ff789
Note: Received in Nomad Software's E-mail first. Was Forwarded to me.

I have just recently downloaded ff789. but I have no idea whatsoever how
to operate the game. how do I equip weapons, armor, save, and everything.
I have looked around for instructions to the 89 or 92 version but have
not found any. can you please send me some instructions?

It's Called the Strategy guide link that you click on.I thought I would never get an e-mail asking me how to play this game, especially when the Strategy guide practically walks you through most of what he asks. (it's doesn't talk about equipping materia, the readme talks about that). That's why all of the links were in the Readme file, Plain as day, to easily access our page and the strategy guide. You basically click, read, and play.

Date: 9/28/98
Subject:  .92g format documents
Note: Recieved in Nomad Software's E-mail first. Was Forwarded to me.

Dear hiryu,

        My name is <insert name here> and I am a big Final Fantasy fan.  The only problem is
that I do not have a program to open .92g format games and other things for
the calculator.  I have Win-Link 92, but that doesn't work.  Please help me
by sending me a program which can open .92g formatted games.  My email
address is *

I don't know about Damon, But I would send the 92g portion of the Faq to him.It's really simple, You download the Ti Graphlink software, Read the Documentation, and Do it. This is the exact reason why I have a true $35 Graphlink cable. Because the software for the Crappy Clone cables Suck. Half of them don't work, and if they do, they only work in a special format or they don't recognize the standard graphlink group format. If your going to move files from your calc to your computer, At least do it the right way.

Date: 9/29/98
Subject:  webpage

could you add my webpage to your links I will the same for you also.

<Insert URL Here>


<Insert Name here>

please reply

Sent him nothing. I figured he must have seen the FAQ if He Knows about my page. Not much to say other than I'm not a Link archive.

Date: 10/6/98
Subject: FF VII for the Ti-89

Are there any codes built into FF VII?  If so, are they going to be released?  Wait... I could just edit the code....

-<insert name here>

Then Why Bother E-mailing me? If there were any codes, they would have been posted in the strategy guide a long time ago when the 92 version was released

Date: 10/6/98
Subject: You must read this!

I like to bye your ti-89
for ti-86 with $20
Send E-mail to <insert E-mail here>

Sent him nothing. I figured if he was this stupid, he didn't deserve a reply. Not to mention that I already Own a ti-86, and frankly I think they suck other than memory size and ASM. I mean, the only game I made that took advantage of the Ti-86 was slow as hell.

Date: 10/7/98
Subject:  TEXAS


Congratulations, You just won the Absolute Weird-ass email of the Week Award! Out of all the reasons to E-mail a guy, To ask which state he lives in... Yep that qualifies!


I don't mean to be rude, but you have disgraced this game. This was a very
cool game for the computer. Last month, I thought it would be cool to make it
for the TI-86, so I did. I became worried today that someone might accuse me
of cloning their game. I searched around and found your webpage. I'd have to
say that your Gorillas is a pathetic excuse for a TI-xx version of the
computer game. I mean, come on! One building?? Circles for Gorillas???

<insert Name Here>

Well, if you don't like the game, Don't play it. First off, I don't accuse people of cloning my games unless they CLONE IT (ie. Get the code my game uses and use it on their game without giving Fryed Software Credit. Ex: NBA Hangtime for the Ti-83). If he would have just shut up and released his version, I probably wouldn't have cared, noticed or bothered putting this thing on the site. The Reason I don't enhance gorillas is because I don't have the time or the initiative to release a new version of it. Basically, I have abandoned all programming on anything lower than a Ti-89. It's not worth trying to have basic games compete with ASM on a calculator where the basic language has no enhancements like the Ti-89,92 have. And Since I'm not going to learn ASM anytime soon, I'm not too worried about it.

Date: 12/4/98
Subject:  Link Submission

<insert Link Here>

Sent him the Link Submission section of the FAQ...Twice! Wondering why he got it twice? Because He wasn't satisfied with the First one (or second for that matter. This is the reason why I changed my FAQ policy to no response), So he Sent me 4 E-mails with one line responses (2 for each FAQ listing). the Replies I wanted to send to him but didn't are in Red

1) my site is really big!!!!!!, it has over 3000 games!
So Does

2) He Sent the Link Again. Just in case I didn't get the first E-mail

3) My page does all of that (after he got the Second FAQ He sent This)
Newsflash! A File Archive is NOT Original! Everything else Had nothing to do about calculators.

4) I mean my page meets those standards
Read reply to #3

The real Pathetic part, was that he submitted to the Ti-basic webring but never put the code on his page so I dropped him from consideration. I'm really considering adding a "It must be generally accepted to be a major gateway to the Ti community", The Ti-files and Dimension Ti meet this standard as well as the current FAQ standards. The other sites on my page don't generally follow this category, But I am partnered with these sites to develop games. That's why Hiryu's Ti-Games is on the site.

Date: 2/17/99
Subject: I found a misspelled word on your website...

I happened upon your web site and noticed that "receive" is misspelled (you
have it as "recieve"). The URL of the page is:

Sorry for making such a big deal of a simple misspelling; my therapist says
I have an obsessive-compulsive personality<g>. But these web pages seem to
live forever and this could be embarrassing.

When I find something like this on my website, I use a free utility that
helps me correct typos and make quick edits right in my browser. It's
called JustEdit and you can get a free copy from

Good luck,


Ok, This is the most interesting Spam I've Ever gotten in my life!
Why do you ask I call it spam? Because after I fixed it, (there was the misspelled word on it) I got another one just like it with the same error. Apparently, it was misspelled in the META Tag, Something that is completely invisible to the viewer. Either this guy was absolutely insane, had a lot of time on his hands, (it hit a hundred or so times) or was a bot of some sort.

Date: 3/3/99

HI. MY NAME IS <insert Name Here> FROM FT. SMITH, AR. AND I HAVE A TI-83

<insert Name Here>

Sent him the graphlink section of the faq. Besides liking the Caps lock key, after I sent him it he sent me back...

Hi. This is <insert Name Here> Again, I've tried that method, but how do I put them
in "p" format

Obviously you didn't because if you did, you would get P formats. I dont really mean to be rude with this one. but how many sites out there tell you the above about G files?

Date: 4/5/99
Subject: Calculator
Note: Received in Nomad Software's E-mail first. Was Forwarded to me.

What program do i need to run the .85g programs. My
adobe acrobat doiesn't work, and neither does the
graph-link software.

Well, the first problem is the Acrobat software... Dont ask me why someone would try acrobat to open the files.

Date: 8/1/99
Subject: Gorillas89

hey, would it be hard to hand code the gorillas game for the 89? if not could you send me the code? i don't have a link yet... i will soon, but i'm ready to try some games out....


<insert Name Here>
<Insert URL Here>

Sent him nothing. I figured he must have seen the FAQ. These I dont ever reply to. there is no way you cannot know I hate getting these requests.

Date: 9/25/99
Subject: having trouble with Final Fantasy on ti89

insert9" wont install "ERROR keeps coming up saying "Dimension"
when i click on "go to" it sends me to the program file at

":Archive cloudpic
":I"cloudpic' icondata[4]
":Archive cloudpic.

where the "I" is at.
I tried playing it without the "insert9" and I see a castle and the little
man "cloud" but there is no background, also I do battle with an eyeball
(eeye in the program) on EVERY battle,
(sigh) and lastly, do you have some kind of instruction booklet for the game?
because I've never played FF7 on Nintendo or Playstation.

Uhh. That file is for Icons. It says so in the Readme: this file is used by icons to insert an Icon onto the interface. The readme states not even to install it unless Icons is installed. You'd be suprised how many of these I get. No point in putting them all on the site. They basicially say the exact same thing.